Pop Culture

I have been REALLY hesitant to write about this. It’s not because it’s not a vitally important topic, but I have been hesitant because I honestly have no idea what I’m talking about. I am a white, middle class, protestant woman. I am really blessed and honored and often naïve to social issues because of my background. There’s a big part of me that feels like I have no right to write about this because of the reasons I listed above.

But, with being a mental health professional and living in Rochester, NY (which has now made international news)…..I felt as though I would be doing a disservice by NOT addressing some of the issues that are going on in our world today. I am not here to tell you my opinion or pretend like I know what I’m talking about. But I wanted to explain that the reasons I am not posting on social media or openly talking about this is not because I don’t care and not because I don’t have strong feelings that I am advocating for in my personal life. I just feel that as long as I am doing my part, advocating in my own ways, and supporting organizations that I feel strongly for…that it isn’t appropriate for me to post about things on social media.

So now that we’ve established that I have no clue what I’m talking about and that even though I’m not posting about this on social media, I am doing things in my personal life…the one thing that I do know about that I feel like I can contribute to this conversation is about mental health.

A mental health arrest is a precaution of safety that can be really great and really scary. A mental health arrest, or mental hygiene arrest occurs when someone is deemed not safe. When someone is deemed a danger or threat to themselves or others. For those of you who have been to therapists, you have signed paperwork acknowledging that a therapist will break confidentiality if you are a threat to yourself or others.

I unfortunately have been involved in many mental health arrests throughout my professional life. What I am about to share is what has happened for me. This can look different for different people, across different states, and different scenarios.

What typically happens (again in my experience) is that a client is presenting as a threat. I have always told the client that they’re presenting as a threat, that I’m worried about their safety, and that I think I need to call 911 because of it. Clients react typically in one of two ways.

The first way is that the client understands and agrees that they do not feel safe. I then call 911. An ambulance arrives with EMT’s and the client is taken to the nearest hospital to have a psychiatric evaluation. Sometimes the client is then admitted to the psychiatric unit at the hospital, sometimes the client is assessed and then released home.

The second way that I have had clients react is not as nice. Clients often take this news poorly, especially if that client happens to be under the influence of a mood-altering chemical. I have been yelled at, spit at, threatened, and intimidated. When this happens and I call 911, I let the dispatcher know the state of the client, and a police officer will accompany the EMTs. I have seen clients run away from said police officer, yell at, spit at, threaten, etc. When this happens, the police officer will usually handcuff the client and the client will then get into the ambulance against their will and be taken to the hospital.

There are so many issues with this process. There are so many areas of improvement for this process. I don’t know what happens when someone is assessed as a threat to themselves or others and needs to be mental health arrested (which that needs to be renamed, I mean come on, saying they’re being arrested is horrible) when they are not around a mental health counselor such as myself, but I know that there is no job that exists of an “on call” mental health counselor, similar to an EMT that responds to these events.

I think that people who are having mental health struggles need to be treated with dignity and respect but being a threat to themselves or others needs to be addressed so that people can stay safe…..how to do this? I’m not sure. I don’t have the answers. What I do know is that I am always advocating for appropriate and respectful treatment of those experiencing mental health struggles. I am also always advocating for the safety of people with mental health concerns and those around them.

I also know that I am always here to talk. I am here to teach about mental health and psychology and I am here to learn about you, your own struggles, your views, learn things that will help me be a better therapist and person, and to help support you however I can.

Also check out:

Why it’s Okay to Cope with the News by Looking at Memes

How to Survive Holiday Stress (without talking about mental health or politics)

I love self help books. Self Help blogs. Self Help podcasts. Anything self help related.

I also really really hate self help books. Self help blogs. Self help podcasts. Anything self help related.

Most people are surprised to hear about my love/hate relationship with self help…most people think that because I am a therapist, I love any type of self help and recommend any type of self help.

With the recent news of Rachel Hollis getting a divorce (don’t worry I’ll get to that in a second) I want to share a bit about my views on self help and why I have these views.

First of all, it’s called SELF help for a reason. What works for mySELF will not necessarily work for yourSELF.

Second of all, a significant amount of self help “gurus” have no professional experience in the therapeutic, counseling, or helping professions. Now, I’m not saying this doesn’t mean they have great things to say. I love reading about people’s journeys and their own paths to happiness and fulfillment. But the problem is, people often take advice in these books/blogs/podcasts very literally. Just because someone else quit their job and took a roadtrip across Europe, doesn’t mean that you should…or maybe it does…but it’s not my or their place to say. Taking advice from self help gurus that don’t have an educational/professional background can be very dangerous. They mean well, but it can trick us into feeling bad about ourselves, because we aren’t living like them or because we feel different than them.

Heck, counseling professionals get it wrong too! I have more understanding of the way the brain works and more understanding of mental health disorders and what leads to fulfillment, but that doesn’t mean that everything I say will work for you! That doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes in my own personal life just like the next person. I just have more knowledge in this certain area than people from different professional backgrounds.

Okay…so let me get to my point…Rachel Hollis.

For those of you who don’t know, Rachel Hollis is a public figure, author, and speaker. She began her career in marketing (and I think she still does some of that) but she is basically a self help guru. She is married with four children. She hosts business conferences and marital retreats with her husband, Dave.

She just announced that her and Dave are getting divorced. Many people are outraged because her and Dave not only host (very expensive) marital retreats but they have a marriage podcast, talk very openly about how great their marriage is, and have made millions of dollars giving relationship advice for having a great marriage.

Before I say anything else. I do not know these people and I truly hope that they are safe and happy and I feel for both of them and their children. I have no idea what goes on in their marriage so I hope that they are okay………..Notice a key phrase I just mentioned: “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES ON IN THEIR MARRIAGE”…..because NONE OF US DO! Nor should we frankly, a marriage is very private, however they have acted like everyone knows all of these things about their marriage because of all their marriage advice.

So whether you’re feeling angry and confused by this news, whether you’re feeling happy about this news, whether you’re feeling sad and broken hearted about this news…this is what I have to say.

Rachel Hollis is not a marriage counselor. Neither is Dave Hollis. However, they have a multi-million dollar business based on giving marital advice. When you are looking for self help resources…please consider the source.

No matter how many times someone uses #nofilter or someone claims they are showing you the “behind the scenes”…they aren’t. The world we live in today has so many “filters”…and that’s not necessarily a bad thing……but stop comparing yourself to other people’s highlight reels. I PROMISE you, they are ALLLLL highlight reels.

Self help resources often do more harm than good. They lead to us comparing ourselves to others. They lead to us feeling bad that we aren’t living like the author. They lead to us worrying, overthinking, and getting confused about what’s best for us. By all means, read self help, just take things with a grain of salt!

Lastly, try not to be too mad at them. They’re just people. They make mistakes. Relationships are tough……

But please please please consider the source when you’re looking into resources. Anyone can call themselves a “coach”, anyone can call themselves a “consultant”, anyone can call themselves an “expert”……..be careful. There’s a LOT of fluff out there about self help this and self help that. There’s a lot of pseudoscience out there related to psychology. Trust yourself. Trust that YOU know the best thing for your own SELF care. Do whatever you can to NOT compare yourself to all of the self help influencers out there…it’s just a highlight reel. And everyone is different. And that is okay.

 

The world is a really scary place right now.

 

Don’t get me wrong, it was before this past weekend…but for most of us, it’s even scarier now.

I have been hesitant to write this blog post because to be completely honest, I don’t know what’s best to do or say.

So I’ll write about what I do know…..

People are scared. I am scared. People are angry. I am angry. People are confused. Heck yes I’m confused.

As human beings we are not meant to live like this. We are not meant for isolation. We are not meant for hating each other and tearing each other down.

I don’t know the best way to support. But what I do know, is that I can ask questions on how to support the #blacklivesmatter movement. I can say that I don’t understand but that I want to understand and that I want to support. I can learn and I can love.

I have spoken to a lot of people about how they feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say, or how to support, or what to do. As long as we are going into our decisions with kindness and love…that is what matters….if you want to support but don’t know how, ASK!

Governor Cuomo made a statement on Sunday that even though the pandemic and the riots do not seem related, they are…………………………………………………….

OF COURSE THEY ARE!

We are struggling as a world with so many things and mental health, fear, anxiety, depression, and anger are all at the forefront…

Please take care of yourself. Please take care of others. And always act from kindness and love.

www.blacklivesmatter.com